Whorled View

July 2, 2008

I’ve been tagged – part 1

Filed under: Uncategorized — lullabyman @ 12:54 pm

Apparently this means I have to tell you 8 things about myself.  I don’t have time to do 8 all in one sitting … so here’s three for now:

1) FACT:  I pretty much know everything.  No, not just in the sense that I act like a know-it-all … In fact I do the opposite. I act like an imbecile so people won’t be afraid that I really know everything.  It’s puts them at ease.  Of course that has the negative side effect of everyone thinking I’m a complete moron [insert pic here of me looking like I always do].  So if you thought I was an imbecile … now you know the truth: it’s all an act.

Truth be known, I really just know “most everything” (instead of “everything”), but I round it up to “everything” since it’s so close.  At least I really think that I know everything, as opposed to those know-it-all posers who just pretend that they know everything in order to mask some deep-seated insecurities.

I probably shouldn’t admit this, because from now-on whenever I’m acting like I don’t know something you’ll naturally conclude that I’m really just playing my own little sick private joke as I condescend to all you “know-it-less” people.

But like I said I’m just trying to put you at ease, out of the kindness of my heart.  You know … trying to be nice to all stupid people who don’t really know everything, but just know lots of things.  People like Plank, Einstein, Ken Jennings you know … all those other supposedly “smart people”.  That’s why sometimes I misspell things and use poor sentence constructs … it’s just to put you at ease and think, “Hey … he’s a normal guy with weaknesses too, just like the rest of us”.  In truth I’m not.  It’s just that I want to put all you “know-it-less” people at ease.

2) I procrastinate. I’ve been meaning to tell you about this for some time now.

3) I have scars of stupidity all over my body. Some of them have faded over the years, but they’re still there.  Like the time I missed that piece of wood with that ax at my childhood friend’s house, and embedded the ax head into my leg.

Okay “embedded” might be an embellishment, but it hurt.  It hurt a lot.  Then there was the time I was showing off for some girl who’s family was visiting ours … I jumped from the mid-way landing to our downstairs landing – hitting my head on the ceiling edge and ended up with a dozen stitches.  She was not impressed.

Then there was the time I decided to make a wooden knife with my pocket knife.  I don’t know why some kids do this, but they do.  I mean … here’s a steel bladed knife  that’s capable of taking down a bear, but instead they use it to make a dull wooden knife that’s about as sharp as a spoon.  Why?  Anyway, I practically cut my thumb off.  That was 32 years ago and I still have a scar that goes halfway around my thumb.

Then there was that time I was using my dad’s off-limits table saw in order build a rocket-ship to go to the moon … you guessed it – I jammed the end of my thumb into the spinning flesh-hungry blade.  That hurt too.  A lot.  Lot’s of stitches.

There were other scars I received in those 2 years, but the point is that I still do it – the table saw incident I repeated a couple years ago.  Same thumb, same type of saw, different project.  That thumb is now about 1/4 shorter now.

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5 Comments »

  1. I really liked learning these things about you. I always suspected you really did “know-it-all” where as I am just a “know-it-most” kind of gal. Also, the jumping from the landing story, one of my favorites, ha ha. Famous last words, “watch this!” I was just telling someone the other day about the table saw incident and how you came in the house with blood pouring out of your hand, nay, dare I say, gushing out of your hand? And you said to me, “Don’t tell dad.” I’m thinking, “thanks to the bloody river going from the garage, across the yard, up the steps, and through the house, no one needs to tell dad.”

    Yes, you are brilliant!

    Comment by Kristen — July 2, 2008 @ 5:16 pm

  2. I did something similar the 2nd time I did it, showing a friend who is a doctor, asking “I don’t need to get stitches do I?”, to which he replied, “I think I’m going to be sick”. Not only did I need stitches but a skin graft too.

    I’m the only person I know who can kiss their own butt.

    Just kidding, the skin graft came from the inside of my arm.

    Comment by lullabyman — July 2, 2008 @ 8:50 pm

  3. Wow, you managed to make me laugh and make me queasy.

    Comment by Jolly — July 3, 2008 @ 4:08 am

  4. You really do know everything! It amazes, amuses and annoys me (only sometimes, usually amazes me.)

    About the wound, I do remember Mike turning green and them being more than happy to watch our kids while we went to the ER. The floor looks lovely though dear. Totally worth it. I am getting used to you running into the house clutching some body part with blood dripping between your fingers.

    I hope one of your 8 is that you can fix anything. A.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. (so you have way more opportunities for injuuries than the average Joe. Way more.) Tell them about how you fixed the lampshade, or the candle’s in the window, or the car window, or the wheels on the trash can, or the kids shoes…. he can fix anything. Just ask our kids.

    Comment by Melissa — July 3, 2008 @ 7:16 pm

  5. I’m blushing. Actually, Melissa, you are far too kind. You conveniently left out the part about how everything is held together with duct tape and bailing twine. One of the remaining items will have to be how I married far above myself to someone who is (thankfully) all too willing to overlook my weaknesses, out of the kindness of her heart.

    Comment by lullabyman — July 3, 2008 @ 7:45 pm


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